It’s taken me a bit to sit down and write this post out. I’ve been in a bit of denial that it’s real, I think. A week before Rory arrived, we said goodbye to Hamilton. Honestly, even just typing this out is making me cry all over again.
Hamilton, who just turned eight at the beginning of the year, woke up on December 31st with a floppy tail and just seemed off. I kind of expected him to bounce back after a day or two, but he quickly started to show other weird symptoms that led us to believe it was more serious. This started a series of appointments and visits with specialists, all the while his symptoms were worsening. I wish I could tell you that we know what happened, but no one could pinpoint what exactly he was sick with. He had a lot of little symptoms that added up to a very sick dog, but we ran just about every test you can run on a dog and there was no smoking gun.
Eventually our little guy stopped eating and was getting just even more sick and even more weak as the days went on. I was taking him all over to different doctors, he was admitted to an animal hospital for nearly a week, and we were trying all sorts of medication as a trial and error tactic just to try to pinpoint a solution. The whole experience was incredibly stressful and overwhelming. I just wanted to know what was wrong so we could fix it!!!
Every day, although things didn’t seem particularly rosy, Mike and I were holding out hope that things would turn around. We were looking for signs that our little Hammy still had some fight in him– he came to the door! he barked at the delivery truck! he ate some food! His last day was devastating though because we knew he was suffering.
I had experienced losing family pets before growing up, but Hamilton was my dog and this was incredibly heartbreaking. I was 39 weeks pregnant and incredibly hormonal to begin with and we had to say goodbye to one of the best dogs a person could ask for way, way too soon. I fully expected to have another decade (or more!) with him and it felt like my time with him was cruelly cut short.
Hamilton was so special. He was a little more like a cat than a dog– always slinking around and finding the sun. He didn’t particularly enjoy going for walks and yet he was one of the most athletic dogs you’ve ever met. He was cartoonishly cute with a soft white belly and paws that looked like he tiptoed through bleach. People would stop us wherever we went to ask what breed he was. He had a special bond with Mike really. While I had him before I met Mike, the two of them immediately hit it off.
None of us are “okay” yet. It has been wonderful having our new addition here, but it still feels like we are missing a piece of our family without Hamilton here. I keep waiting to see him run up to the door to greet us or for him to push his way under the covers in the middle of the night. It doesn’t feel real. It’s been really hard trying to explain to Jack what happened– he keeps asking, “Where’s Hammy?” and I swear my heart just breaks all over again.
We all miss him so much 
